So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
