Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
