why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
