I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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