my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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