I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
