I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're too hungover to prance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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