4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
