So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My breasts were aching with rage.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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