I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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