would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
