You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
