i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
