so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
