you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
