Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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