farters have to be the big spoon...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
