Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
