I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
