so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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