This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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