you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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