I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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