just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
