this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
