They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
