I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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