I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
