ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
