If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
