you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
