Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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