Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
