so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
