I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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