I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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