I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
