I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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