I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
