Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
