Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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