I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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