He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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