Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
