Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
