omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize