WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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