Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
