You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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