My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
