when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
