Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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