my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
