she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
