Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
