I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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