Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?

(773): View more from Illinois

jesus mom

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"

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(917): View more from New York City

Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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(618): View more from Illinois

he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

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(619): View more from California

You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing

(1-619): View more from California

Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this

(619): View more from California

...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...

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(720): View more from Colorado

She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable

(303): View more from Colorado

thermos full of jaeger bombs?

(720): View more from Colorado

Affirmative

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(1978): View more from

He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle

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(410): View more from Maryland

my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals

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