On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
