I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
