youre lurking in front of me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
