i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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