you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I checked into jail on foursquare
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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