I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize