she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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