btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
