i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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