just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
