Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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