If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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