she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
