I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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