Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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