Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
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Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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