I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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