Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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