Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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