I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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